Why, YES, I AM a dirty hippie....

Now that we have this homeschooling thing down, Ethan and I get to attend our local homeschool co-ops and park days, and other social events where 'getting-to-know-you' is involved. Apparently this is a bit of a shocker to lots of people, so I will come out and say it outright.
I do not wash my hair (at least, not with shampoo), use deodorant (not from the store!), brush my teeth with toothpaste (from a tube), or use facial cleanser or moisturizer (hello eczema...and acne...and wrinkles). Or even wash my clothes with commercially made soaps (again, hello, eczema! and asthma...and ashy, ASHY skin).
Luckily, according to my husband and a few other trusted friends, I manage to NOT do all of this without smelling like 'sweaty fat broad'. (No, it is not only on account of the fact that I do not sweat- no, y'all, you don't really wish this on yourselves. It SUCKS) Since (I needed something to write about, and) I am really getting tired of 'splaining it to the Lucies, I figured I would put my basic recipes down on here and let it be understood HOW I manage to NOT do all of this and still smell relatively ,well...nice. Did I mention that the cost of all of my raw materials combined (as in, for everything I make) cost about as much as one purchase of each product (storebought) combined per year? Without further ado- this is what I DO:

Shampoo

I am a no-poo'er almost no-poo'er through and through. I do not use shampoo straight out of the bottle on a daily (more like bi-weekly) basis; rather,every other day I 'wash' (clarify seems to me the better word) my scalp and the roots of my hair with a mixture of 1/4 tsp baking soda, 4oz. water, and (depending on the weather) a teeny tiny drop of tea tree oil. I put my mix in this bottle

which usually lasts me through 2 washes. Every 2 weeks (this is where the almost comes in) I use a dime sized drop of a mild shampoo added to the mixture to remove all the gunk that builds up in my hair. ( I really am a gringa- at least my hair is- and it tends to become too weighed down between my natural oils, desert dirt, and the occasional dousing of hair spray- for people with coarse/wavy hair, this may never be necessary. Sadly, for me, it is, at least bi-weekly, at least for now) If my hair starts to dull or look/feel coarse, I mist with a 60/40 water/apple cider vinegar rinse (that I don't rinse, ha!).

Yes, friends, for about an hour or as long as it takes your hair to dry, you will smell like salad dressing. Once your hair dries, the smell dies. So don't fret about that. For any extra conditioning I may need, I usually opt for a drop or 2 of avocado oil with a drop of patchouli oil massaged into my palms, then into my hair.

Deodorant

Yes, y'all, I really do not sweat...but I can get smelly! To remedy this, I combine coconut (or sweet almond, if I am out of coconut) oil, baking soda, a pinch of alum (the mineral, not aluminum), and drops of my favorite essential oil (usually patchouli). I personally do not measure this, but rather add oil until it is a nice firm, almost saltdough-y consistency. Then, I plop it in a jar and call it a month. You really only need a pinch under each arm (or less maybe but I have large underarms) and I find, for me, that this works like a charm. 

Toothpaste

This, my friends, has been the wildest experiment. These days, we toss in a jar: baking soda (usually til the jar is nearly full), lemon oil (appx 1 tsp), and a drop of peppermint oil. shake until thoroughly mixed, and pinch/scoop some out as needed. I find that my teeth stay cleaner longer using this, and it kills even the worst garlic breath, too.

If your teeth need whitening, rinse (DO NOT SWALLOW) with a capful of hydrogen peroxide for about 10 seconds. I do this occasionally, and I hate it- but I would rather not have to use the dreaded chemi-strips....So I suck it up and go with the lesser of the 2 evils.

Facial Cleanser

Baking soda (i fill the jar til nearly full) Sweet almond oil (1-2 tsp...maybe more if you use a relleh relleh big jar) Glycerine (literally, 3 drops, pre-shaken into the almond oil-again, adjust amount to the size of your jar)

The baking soda should be pasty when fully mixed, and should be applied as a scrub. Be careful, though, not to sit with it too long, or to scrub too hard, because it is pretty abrasive! If you have moderate acne, you can also mix in a drop or 2 of tea tree oil, but I usually do not. To tone, I again, spray with my handy dandy water/acv mixture. This, friends, will become something you develop a skill for- a bit of advice- keep your eyes shut, and hold your breath until the mist has subsided! I also use this as a body scrub. I love it- and I find that my skin glows if I use it regularly....

I do generally wash my arse- but with castille or hand-crafted, all natural, irritant free soaps. I find that essential oils, for the most part, do not bring out my dreaded E, but almost all synthetic scents do, and with a vengeance. The longer I go chem-free, the worse my reaction is to them- matter of fact, that is usually how I can weed out a fake 'natural' or 'unscented' product (aside from reading the label). If any of you are on hard times(or not), these ingredients can be had for 20 bucks or less,can make everything above, and can last you a pretty darned long time. It takes a bit of getting used to (especially the hair, because we are all used to having dried out, artificially silky locks), but in the long run, you just might find it is worth it. I know I did. I highly suggest Dr. Bronner's line of soaps- especially the liquids- but if you choose to use them please remember to DILUTE! Failure to do so WILL result in a sticky sorry mess.

Laundry Soap

1 bar washing soap (most common being fels naptha or zote) appx 1c washing soda (yes, there IS a difference!) appx 1c baking soda (I buy it in bulk at costco for about 6 bucks, y'all. it is my go-to for just about everything...that and lemon juice) appx 1c borax appx 1c oxy clean (not really necessary, but some folks don't feel right about washing their whites without it) you will need a grater and a food processor...and a vessel to keep the powder in.

1. grate the soap bar 

2. toss the whole lot into the food processor 

3. pulse until it looks like a laundry soap you would use ( generally you want the grated soap to be powder-fine)

4. store in an airtight container We use an old oxy-clean scoop (the small one)to measure out our soap- about 2tbs will clean a large load, but you can adjust the amount of soap to your liking. Also makes a great pre-treat paste- just add water, rub in about 20 mins before wash time, and toss in the wash. Always remember to check for colorfastness- I want no ruined Sunday t-shirts on my head!

For softener, I use 1/4c white vinegar in a 'downy' ball or the softener dispenser, depending on where I am washing clothes. Again, no stink, so don't worry. If you feel that that might not cut the mustard for you, I made my own 'dryer balls' using recycled tennis balls with a slit cut into them; I add a drop or 2 of my favorite essential oil to the INSIDE of the ball, and have yet to have an oil stain from it.

So, now you all know how I can be such a dirty hippie, still smell good, and be proud enough of it to tell it like it is. Enjoy!