I have the odd fortune to have been born on Sept 12th, 1980. My birthdate hadn't ever been anything significant or special (unless it fell on Grandparent's Day- and, really, it still isn't), but it was mine and I was happy with it. When I went to bed on September 10th, 2001, I was a very angry (internally- externally I am usually cheery) young woman looking forward to getting trashed the minute her plane landed in Vegas for her birthday. I had been struggling with lots of things in my adolescence up to young adulthood (adhd and anger management issues being among them) and had a very hard time being able to see the bright side to much of anything, unless it had to do with partying- my parents and my uncle and his then-wife (my aunt) were to come out with and we were going to do some serious celebrating. Waking up on September 11th changed my life- of course, I didn't realize it then, but the day that caused so much devastation was my salvation. I always had a hard time waking that year because I never went home to bed at a decent hour. Naturally, this meant that my mom/boss was in charge of waking me up..and I will never forget the panic in her voice when she did that day.
"Shit, Christi. Get up. You have to see this. A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center" (We are all afflicted with Trucker Mouth. Luckily, most of the people around us tolerate it and understand that our curse words are not always venomous.)
I jumped out of bed, bleary-eyed and irritated with the world for happening all around me, and walked into her room across the hall- just in time to watch the second plane hit. By this time, my mom, assuming that this was an accident, was away from the TV brushing her teeth. I cried out for her to come see what had happened, totally certain some dumbass air traffic controller had gone off his meds and killed so many by allowing a second plane to crash. We both rushed to get ready for work so we could turn on the TV there and follow the story.
By the time I got to work, we Knew. And my world would never be the same.
We had decent internet service at the body shop we worked at, so I immediately got online and was accosted with so many of the images, live feeds, and assorted testimonials from ground zero. Even we, out here in the middle of the desert, were in shock. As angry as I was, I could not fathom what could drive the People That Did This To Us to sacrifice so many innocent people. We spent the rest of the day mostly in contemplative silence, unless there was business that needed tending to.
After work, I ditched my friends for our home computer. I needed to see what was happening across the country- partying wasn't so important already anymore. I don't have to sum up all the details here- I know everyone remembers the horrors.
What really got me was watching all of the jumpers. One by one, desperate to escape the hell inside, they took their chances and plunged to their deaths. It was too much for me. Something in my head finally clicked- what I was doing to myself was a slow suicide. I was a recovering drug addict, still a binge drinker, and in an abusive relationship. I was angry for reasons unknown even to myself, and couldn't see the sunshine even as I burned in it...I knew then that I was done with the lifestyle that was destroying me. I decided to search out help for my addictions, to make a conscientious change in my negative mentality, to own up to my actions and accept the consequences... 10 years later, I sit here in a pool of emotions. I know that what happened on September 11th had absolutely nothing to do with me, but when I meditate on this day and enter my 'happy place' I always acknowledge those who helped, indirectly, to change my life with the end of their own.
By the way- we had the privilege to fly into Vegas on 09/13 and honor those who had died on the darkened strip. The trip had a somber tone to it, but we managed to still have fun. That trip also helped to teach me how to find the positive in every situation, even when the world seems pretty bleak.
OK, y'all- please don't run for the hills! The next posts up will be business as usual. Just thought I would share a little piece of my personal history with all of you.
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